Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize