when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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