I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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