This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
