I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
