On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
