he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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