apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize