Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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