hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
