Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
