i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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