Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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