It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
