whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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