it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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