he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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