how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
