I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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