I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
