I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
