I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
