I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
