I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
