Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
