Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
