And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
