sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
