Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
