You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
