hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
