When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
