I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize