Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I want to fling myself into the sun
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
