His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
In America we eat man semen.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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