you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
