There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
