every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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