we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
