I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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