he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize