You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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