note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
