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Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
