So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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