Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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