Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
