help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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