allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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