lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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