Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
