I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My vagina is officially offended.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize