she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
