Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
