he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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