I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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