Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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