I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also, beer. Big fan.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
