I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
