Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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