nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
