Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
