Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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