I'm eating all of the evidence.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
