8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
