I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
