UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
