I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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